Meherbai’s Mandli: New Year Resolutions

Meherbai’s Mandli met for their first Chicken-Farcha-Pe-Charcha of 2018 and the topic turned to New Year resolutions.

Chibavli Chakli Chadan: Meherbai, tamaru revolution su chey? To get fit?

Meherbai: It’s Resolution and not Revolution! Besides, that was Merwanji’s and my resolution last year, what’s yours Chadan?

Chadan: To avoid Lagans and Navjotes since these functions have become so stereotyped and boring. One has to go to the bank-locker, take out the same old jewellery, get dressed in the same old sari, sit and eat starters for two hours, all fried stuff, all cholesterol, all health-damaging, run for the first sitting with husband (like a three-legged-race), face a ten course menu which you can’t eat after the first five morsels, say thank you for inviting us to the host and hostess who had reminded you that each patru cost Rs.2000, then part with an obscene amount as ‘Pehramni’ since you are expected to pay for your food and drinks, admire and criticize the vulgar show of money in terms of lights, bar, music and decoration, go home exhausted with 3,500 unhealthy calories inside you at bedtime and return the jewellery set to the bank locker the next day, feeling stressed out, bloated and poorer. Apri toh thoos thai jaai!!

Kanjoos Kolamai: What? Rs.2000 for a ‘patru’? To-morrow they will make it Rs.5000 per ‘patru’, so am I and my hubby expected to pay Rs. 10,000/- per evening? Can you believe, when I married my Cowsie Kakatauvo in 1966, our wedding patru was only Rs.10/-?

Kety Khadhri: Actually, we should be allowed to carry empty plastic boxes to bring home all the left-overs from the ‘patra’. How we tell waiters at restaurants, “Pack this up in a doggy-bag” even if we don’t have a doggy!

Everyone clapped, saying Wah, Wah Ketayun, you are so clever!!

Frugal Freny: I’ve noticed that these days, for most of the lavish Lagan-Navjotes, its’ NRI money being spent. The show-off parents of NRI kids are just jumping on their children’s money. It would be so nice if even half the amount was spent in doing charity instead of burning it all up in one evening!

Everyone agreed that it was ‘Paisa No Dhumaro’.

Najoo, Malai nu Khaju: My resolution is to travel more and see more exotic places this year. There’s nothing like travel to widen your mental-horizon. The world is just waiting for tourists and travellers to all those super-duper exotic locales, new hotels, resorts and spas.

Kanjoos Kolamai: For that you need money! Chocha! Hard Cash!

Kolamai’s Husband: Darling, we are sitting on crores of rupees and you feed me only masoor-pav, titori and chora day after day. At least now, stop hoarding money and let’s enjoy life like other couples! We haven’t had a holiday in years!

Kolamai: Paisa toh hoard karvana aney soonghi, soonghi ney vaparvana! Maney tema sukh malej!

Kolmai’s Bitter-Half: Paisa perfume chey soo, ke soonghvana?

Hasti Hilla, always smiling and optimistic, announced that her New Year’s resolution was to get her only daughter married this year since she’s already 35.

Busybody Banu: But your daughter is already going around with someone.

Nosy Nergish: I heard she’s engaged but when I congratulated her, she denied it!

Amy: The whole colony knows she’s about to get married otherwise why would Hilla have her house painted? May be the groom is ‘parjat’ and hence the denial?

Hilla: Excuse me, there is no groom,’jaat’ or ‘parjat’. The house badly needed a coat of paint, that’s why we painted it.

Daahi-Dumri-Dolly: In a Parsi Colony, if you paint your house, people make two and two into five and spread rumours. The gossip-mongers work overtime and false news spreads like a game of Chinese-whispers till it becomes a raging fire of lies!

Behli-Bafaat: Maybe, Hilla’s daughter broke the engagement.

Hilla: Behramji, stop this loose-talk about my daughter. I know just the resolution for you – Stop spreading false rumours in the Colony and learn to MYOB ok?

Behli-Bafaat: Maney Angreji-ma gaar aapi!

Hilla: MYOB means ‘Mind Your Own Business’ – it will do you good and get yourself a life!

Everyone agreed that Behli Bafaat was a loud-mouthed shot-gun who minded everyone’s business except his own. Behli was so embarrassed that he left the Mandli without touching a single farcha, unlike the rest who finished all the farchas including his before heading home after the party ended.