Meherbai’s Mango Party

The summer heat became unbearable for Meherbai as she suffers from high blood-pressure. In spite of BP pills, her head felt like a pressure-cooker and when it became too much to endure, she let off the pressure (like a cooker-whistle) on Merwanji by doing Khit-Pit and Chipur-chipur, picking on him for every little thing. Arguments inflamed when Meherwanji suggested a short break at the Bandra Sanatorium.

Meherbai:  Who goes to Bandra? People go to Bali.

MerwanjeeRatamai Peer has recommended it for years now. Our dear friend, Jabri Jaloo and her sister, Aloo Jerdaloo go there. Also my cousin Jai and her hubby, Jimmy James Bond.

Meherbai:  I want Bali!! Now it is also connected to Mumbai by a direct flight.

Merwanjee Bali Kai Mahra Bawa Nu Chche Ke Tuney Apu??

Gangubai:  Madam La kai Paije?

Meherbai Mala Bali Paije!!

The very next day, Gangubai gave Meherbai a pair of cheap Bali (round loop earrings) which she bought in the train.

MeherbaiHee Kai?

Gangubai:  Madam Tumcha Bali – Ataa Pagar Vaadhva (now give me a raise).

Meherbai returned the Bali earrings asking, “Raise in salary? What for?

Gangubai: To spend on a month’s holiday during the month of May.

Majja Karaila with my husband, Dagdu and my four children. We may have a fifth child this year. Who knows? Deva chi marzee!

Mahaerbai Marerey!  We Parsis hardly have a month-long holiday and this couple has a honeymoon every May and Gangu comes back pregnant each time and we Parsis just keep yelling Jio Parsi, Jio Parsi from the rooftops!

Merwanjee:  Meher, my Kaleja, stop bickering and do something constructive, something therapeutic like painting, stitching or embroidery to keep cool and occupied. Work with your hands – it’s relaxing!!

Meherbai did just that as soon as Merwanjee left the house. She took out a pile of six pants and three jeans from his cupboard and cut out huge circles at the knees. Then she took a Gillete blade and sliced-off some more at strategic points, saying, “Aah! Perfect!  Like a Piccasso painting! My Merwanjee will look so sexy in these ripped-jeans that I’ll be the envy of all women!

She quietly folded all the pants, made a thappi and put them back in the cupboard as a special-surprise for her hubby, since special-surprises make a marriage stronger!

The next morning Merwanjee yelled like a lunatic from the bedroom, “Oh Khodaiji, what happened to my pants?”

Meherbai:  Surprise!! Old men wear pants – My darling wears sexy ripped-jeans!!

Merwanjee Guthan Par Gol-Gol Bakoraa Aney Bakina Patloon Chindi-Chindi and you call that sexy ?

Meherbai:  Varun Dhawan and Ranbir Kapoor wear them! Its’ the latest fashion.

MerwanjeeIts’ a horrible fashion! Varun and Ranbir Bi Nathi Sobhta. Looking like Bhikharis in spite of having money! And you call it fashion?

There was complete silence throughout that day because of the couple-conflict. However, Meherbai and Merwanjee always practiced the cardinal-rule of a happy marriage i.e. never go to bed angry. So they kissed and made up, prayed together and needless to say, Meherbai dreamt of Bali that whole night.

The next day, Merwanjee phoned Meherbai from the Bank, where he had gone for some work, to say: Make a special Dhun-Sakh for lunch –

I’m bringing home Alphonso.

Meherbai phoned her one dozen friends for a mango party since Merwanjee will be bringing, God knows how many dozens of Alphonso

Everyone gathered with bated breath.

Khadhri Ketu:  I’ll have mango-cubes with vanilla ice cream.

Gooli Gol-Gol:  I’ll have aam-ras.

Banoo BatakMe too.
I love aam-ras.

Gulshan GoogleI’ll have mango milk shake. I have even brought Parsi Dairy’s milk with me!

Gaimai Googly:  Hoon Toh fresh cream saathey khavas. I have brought the same along.

Meherbai Ladies, Ladies, you can have your desires – with the mangoes – not with Merwanjee! But let him first come with Toplas or Dabbas!

Just then, the doorbell rang and Merwanjee appeared like the Genie in Alladin’s Lamp and all the ladies chorused: Sau (Hundred) years jivso – hamnaj yaad kidha

Meherbai:  Khali-haath? Where are the mangoes?

MerwanjeeYou mean Alphonso?

Meherbai:  Yes, Yes!

Meherwanjee called out to his old office friend, Mario Alphonso to come and “Meet my wife, Meherbai”!

Mario Alphonso:  What man! Which one? How many wives do you have? I go crazy with my one and only Philomena and you Parsi guys have all the fun!

Meherbai (In a demanding voice) Alphonso, where are the Alphansos?

Mario AlphonsoAll settled in Goa, man. I came only because my old friend Merwan invited me to taste your Dhan-Sak, man!

The entire ladies-mandli was disappointed and gave a mouthful to Meherbai.

KetuBye, enjoy your Dhan-Shak!

GooliNext time, be sure and organise better.

Gulshan:  I am taking my milk home!

Gaimai:  I am taking my cream home!

Banoo Batak:  What a party and a half! Next time at the club!

Jabri Jaloo:  And Meherbai won’t be invited! Not ever!

Merwanjee:  I found a friend – my old friend, Alphonso! Meherbai, aren’t you happy?

Meherbai:  Yeah, and I lost all my friends! You must be very happy – you never liked them!

Merwanjee promised to take his wife that very evening with all her friends to Badshah Cold-drink house at Crawford Market for an ice cream and mango party.

So?  All’s Well That Ends Well!

Ruby Lilaowala
Ruby Lilaowala

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