Are You Ready For Love?

Really?! What kind of a question is that! Like, who isn’t ready for Love? Don’t most of us desire to be loved, appreciated, cared for, respected… the whole enchilada?! And if we long for it, doesn’t that imply – Yes! We are ready? But wait. Let’s think this through… read on, and maybe you reconsider if you are, indeed, ready for love.

Many of us who think we are, may not necessarily be. The lonely, shy and subservient guy thinks a ‘love’ connection will change the way he feels ignored or unnoticed; the soft-spoken, obedient girl probably wants to please her parents in finding the much sought after bachelor boy; the critical bachelor past his prime, seeks a partner who will accept him ‘just the way he is’; the Buddhist monk – attuned to his daily living – rejoices at having experienced true love each time he takes a breath mindfully, because he considers being ‘present’ and attentive to be an offering, a worship of the universe. Love means different things to different people. In fact, love can mean different things to the same person, through different phases of his life.

Is love something to be aspired for or something that arises naturally and fades away just as naturally? Is it something that has to be worked for or does it flow abundantly – nourishing all in its path? Is it a barter, commercial-like, in its complexities or truly unconditional and accepting? Does love heal and cleanse the receiver or does it fan the flames it has ignited? If one were to be absolutely still, in the sounds of silence, can we listen to love’s symphony? And if we can hear its sounds, are they melodious and mellifluous, or a grasping, needy cacophony? Is love the whisper of a dream enshrouded in the mists of time or an energy that moves man to run where the brave dare not go, to right the un-rightable wrongs? For sure, what love is not, is that love is not grasping, needy or self-serving.

The truth is, that any person who thinks he is ready for love, would do well to enquire whether he is fulfilled and suffused in self-love. For, how can anyone be ready for a love relationship, not fully knowing who he is? Is it possible for a cup that is almost empty, to be able to fill or satisfy another? A filled cup carries a deep acceptance of its own changing nature, values which are a product of past conditionings, strengths, weaknesses and motivating drivers. If the metaphorical cup is full, will it then not simply be in a position to give, rather than expect and demand? Like the fragrant flower that simply perfumes the air without expecting to be appreciated, applauded or recognized for the perfume it spreads.

Does this then imply that a person low on self-awareness is not ready for love? That answer is best left to your own honest introspection, but the undeniable truth remains – one who is self-realized, is in a stronger position to make a success of a loving relationship.

In seeking love, the most intelligent have gotten confused. Man’s fears, insecurities and anxieties will make him act irrationally to perhaps repent later. Then again, nothing ventured, nothing gained! Moot question is, venture what, to whom and why? When we love, whether it be God, a child, a parent, a partner or our own selves, we allow ourselves to become vulnerable to disappointments. If we are ready to accept that possibility and yet venture a piece of ourselves, we are choosing to take a leap of faith which can lead us to the brink of an abyss or to the heights of ecstasy. Maybe the person with greater self-awareness is better placed to make a series of informed choices, and in that lies the higher probability of being successful in love.

Sunita Masani is a practicing psychological counselor and a peace-builder appointed by the Bombay High Court to mediate conflicts. She counsels issues including abuse, addictions, anxiety, depression, grief adjustment, marital/ family conflicts, trauma and gender identity. She can be contacted at: sunitamasani@gmail.com

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