Aloo And Jaloo’s Quest For Love

Since Meherbai’s obnoxious neighbours, the twin sisters – Aloo and Jaloo – were still looking for the love of their lives and were open to the idea of marriage, the Mandli held a discussion to help them.

Aloo: We girls (both were over 60) have had a series of failed relationships and are waiting in vain for the doorbell to ring. One day we hope to open the door and find our Princes Charming, who can sweep us off our feet and carry us into the sunset on their white horses.

Meherwanji: If you two are so fond of horse-rides, go to Band Stand near Cooperage or try Juhu Beach!

Banoo Batak: White Horses? In Mumbai’s traffic? You two are so old no one will come even on a donkey!

Piloo Popat: Unless he’s a donkey himself. Is this your age to marry? Forget marriage – just khai-pee-ney enjoy life!

Jaloo: We want to enjoy married life like all of you. We want companionship, love, care and warmth at our age. All our cousins married at around 20 and are now happy with their husbands, children and grand-children.

Aloo: We also have the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired, to feel wanted, cherished, to feel whole again, to have a sense of purpose! Coomi aunty, please find suitable husbands for us!

Coomi Kaajwali: You are late by 40 years on this treasure-hunt, but I’ll try my best.

Divorced Dina: Girls, girls, you are asking for trouble. Your lives are so peaceful and you are in a comfortable rut. Why do you want to marry and spoil things? Not all marriages are happy. Look at me! I was married and miserable. Now I am divorced and happy!

Freny Fatakri: Happy is a relative word!

Abhan Aban: Yes! Einstein’s theory of relativity – which means when you marry a man, you marry his relatives also, at least in India.

Soli Scientist:  That’s not the theory of relativity. Einstein was talking about the relation between time and space!!!

Bomi Bevdo: I’ll explain what’s relativity – listen carefully. Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity.

Dhanjisha Dhaboo: Wah Wah! How beautifully you have explained, but when I sit with Aloo and Jaloo even for a minute, it seems like an eternity!

Aloo and Jaloo: How dare you, you uncouth man! We’ll never forgive you for this!

Meherwanji: Girls, always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them more!

Romantic Rutty: Girls, throw your dreams of a marriage into the Universe like a kite and you never know what it brings back, a new friend, a new life or a new love.

Aloo: Since decades we’re dreaming of a dream-marriage but are also scared because, at this age, what if the dream turns into a nightmare? So many of our younger friends have divorced. Also, we don’t want an old husband. We want a young and handsome hubby a la Priyanka Chopra or Malaika Aurora!

Piroj Pehelwan: Marerey! You have to be a fatakri for that!

Freny Fatakri (age 75): Like me?

Practical Pervin: You want a husband or a son?  Bawaji no Bucho? What will you do with a much younger husband? Play Mai-Dikra?

Abbhan Aban: Or put him in a baba-gari (pram) and take him around Cusrow Baug?

Jaloo: We want someone hot, with film-star looks, loaded with money, and an orphan without a family! We don’t want to deal with in-laws or out-laws! Also, a big car, a huge house, foreign trips and someone who gives us his totally undivided attention twenty-four-seven. He should be a member of at least four clubs, since we don’t like cooking and love social life! He should also have 5 to 6 servants since our mother didn’t let us pick-up even a fulioo and hamarathi bhujyo papad bhangai nahi! Also, he must be a serial kisser like Imran Hashmi and never say, “Not tonight, I have a headache,” when we ask, “How’s the Josh?”

Meherbai: STOP! STOP!  My dear Aloo and Jaloo, I know you both are super-romantic because you have read only Mills and Boons all your life, but the sort of husbands you dream of exist only in dreams! Dikra,

Khodaiji has not yet made such a man!

The twin sisters were very sad but yet optimisticThey told Coomi Kaajwali: We’ll give you our complete bio-data next time, but please promise to find someone who meets our specifications. Someone dynamic like that peera baal valo USA no Petrol Pump (they meant Donald Trump)!

Coomi Kaajwali: I don’t give false promises!

And so, Aloo and Jaloo’s quest for love continues…..

Ruby Lilaowala

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