Cyrus The (Not So) Great!

Aapro Cyrus Broacha, the Brand Ambassador of Humour, unleashes his hilarious take on Maharashtra Politics (we saw that coming!) in our monthly column, ‘Cyrus The (Not So) Great!’

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Now my uncle, Ardeshir, is bit slow. For the first 15 years of his life, he thought only Parsis lived in Maharashtra. (Who said Great idea?? Please don’t say things like that even if it makes good sense!) Of course, geographically speaking, uncle Ardeshir thought that Rustom Baug was Maharashtra. (Again, I’m telling you don’t say great idea, even if it makes perfect sense). Uncle Ardeshir is not the only one. I feel today’s Parsi, as well as yesterday’s Parsi, (not sure whether there will be a tomorrow’s Parsi), may not have a proper grasp of Maharashtra politics, Maharashtra culture, and most importantly, does one start with the right foot or left foot, while performing the mind blowing lezim-lezim dance.

So, what I did was, I ran around the city, checking and clarifying facts about Maharashtra, with Parsis of all shapes, but mostly same size. And these, my friends, are the results of my tireless, selfless, efforts…

First up, I met 17-year-old Monty Pastakia. Monty is named after his great grandfather, who took the name after serving under the legendary Montgomery, during the Second World War. In fact, all the males in the Pastakia clan have been subsequently called Monty. Many of them look alike, and they are normally told apart from their shoes.

Cyrus: Monty! Kem chhe? Do you know who is the leader and Chief Minister of Maharashtra?

Monty:  No idea.

Cyrus:  Okay, who would you like to be your Chief Minister in Maharashtra?

Monty: Jurgen Klopp. But only after the premiership ends.

Cyrus: Very interesting answer! Monty, do you know the difference between Ajit Pawar and Sharad Pawar?

Monty: One is taller? No, no can I change my answer?

Cyrus: Yes, go on…

Monty: One is shorter!?

And so, with a heavy heart I closed the book on Monty.

However, all is not lost as I approached Avan Dastoor! A 41-year-old divorced baker, Avan Dastoor’s cakes and chocolates are loved all over Maharashtra. My research showed me she would have some idea about Maharashtra politics, as rumour has it she’s dating a Maharashtrian man. Avan has denied it, but all 27 Parsee occupants of her building, who want to get her flat, have confirmed it.

Cyrus: Avan, which party or parties have formed the Govt. in Maharashtra?

Avan: Actually, it’s tough for me to answer this after my divorce.

Cyrus: Sorry err…….. what’s the connection?

Avan: I don’t like going to parties…. As a single woman, people say things.

Cyrus: Actually, I’m asking you, do you know who is ruling Maharashtra?

Avan: That’s so easy, Rata Tata!

Cyrus: Ratan Tata?

Avan: Remember he came back and took over after all the controversy…

I had to leave it there, because truth be told, I felt Avan was sort of right. I mean who really rules Maharashtra? Who can actually say? I mean does Ratan Tata have to stand in a line at Vadaphone, and wait patiently, for his number to be called out? The answer is no. So, he does probably rule, could not argue with Avan.

Finally, I decided to check with my own family. Uncle Ardeshir, as I mentioned earlier, was never the swiftest mind, but if you asked him to point out whether Jussi Bjorling’s ‘Nessun Dorma’ was, better than Beniamino Gigli’s ‘Maapari’, he would answer in a flash, and in detail, and end with a high ‘C’. So, I gave my uncle, a whole article on the state of Maharashtra, (yes, we know it’s a pun), and only quizzed him after he had read the article, front and back.

Cyrus: Uncle, who formed the Govt. ten days ago only to resign, a few days later?

Uncle Adi: Arey, Arey! I just read about him. Ah yes. Vinodh Rai.

Cyrus: Vinodh Rai, who was appointed to oversee the BCCI?

Uncle Adi: Yes and Aapree Diana.

Cyrus: Diana Eduljee?

Uncle Adi: Yes, they had to resign and Saurav Ganguly is now the Chief Minister.

Cyrus: No, no. That’s the BCCI issue. Not Maharashtra Govt.

Uncle Adi: Arey! I just read it. See here, read yourself!!

Cyrus: That’s the back page. That’s the sport’s page. You have to read the front page.

Uncle Adi: But you only said, read it Back and Front. So, I read mostly back page.

I had to move on. Ever since I quit alcohol, I can’t deal with these situations beyond a point. But I did conduct a survey for whom the Parsis want as their Chief Minister in Maharashtra. This is the result:

No.1: Aapro Ratan Tata
No.2: Aapro Prince William
No.3: Jurgen Klopp
No.4: Viraat Kohli,
No.5: Shahrukh Khan
No.6: Tanaaz Godiwalla
No.7: Luis Hamilton
No.8: Ann Hathaway
No.9: Sir Alex Ferguson
No.10: Boris Jonson

Err, need I say more…………..!!

Cyrus Broacha

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