Dynamic collegian, Pearl Bulsara is an aspiring mental health therapist, whose primary aim is to spread positivity and hope among people, through her words. She is currently the Co-Host of ‘Yours Mentally’ Podcast; interns at ‘The Mind Essentials’; and is on the Board of Directors (Social Media) at the Rotaract Club (Bombay, Queenstown.)
With 10th October, 2021, marking World Mental Health Day, here are some insightful ‘Pearls’ of wisdom which will help the healing process and empower you to move on post a break up, in a holistic, healthy way.
Losing a bond with someone we once loved often feels like losing a part of ourselves, along with them. Breakups are usually associated with unhappy endings. But if we look deeper, we can see in good time, that what appears to be the end, may actually be a new beginning. There’s no set pattern to get over someone we once loved. Everyone deals with loss differently – while some confront the loss and grieve, others escape / avoid dealing with the pain. Here are certain practices which will help you get over a breakup and move on:
‘Face’ It Until You Make It: We’ve often heard the phrase, ‘Fake it till you make it’. However, it’s time to change the narrative, especially when dealing with matters of the heart. Avoiding to process your feelings while going through a breakup, results in these unattended feelings reflecting through indulgence in toxic activities, patterns and behaviours. Therefore, it’s advisable to try and feel every emotion, until there is little to none left.
Shift Your Focus Inwards – On YOU: In a relationship, a common mistake we make is omitting our own needs and focusing on catering to the needs of our partner. It’s time to learn to shift your focus back to You! This will eventually bring you peace, help you learn about yourself and how your needs are equally important.
Forgive And Forget: Easier said than done, but still one of the best ways to get over heartbreaks. Forgiveness – for yourself and for another. Often, the wounds left behind by a loved one are extremely difficult to heal. But, we must also realize that those who hurt us are often hurting themselves. Understanding that there’s always a reason behind one’s actions helps us learn to forgive them for the hurt they’ve caused us. After all, we’re all human and mistakes are an evolutionary buy-product. More importantly, when we forgive the other person, we are more likely to forgive ourselves.
Once ‘forgiveness’ has played its magic, the path to ‘forgetting’, opens. Life is too short and precious to be chained to bad memories. Instead of revisiting sad experiences associated with the person, try to cherish the good memories you shared with them; wish them well in your heart and let them go, in order to make room for someone better.
Be In Your ‘Happy Place’: While dealing with a breakup, we often lose interest in doing things that earlier made us happy. We discontinue engagement with activities that remind us of a ‘certain someone’. During these times, we recommended you do those little things that will make you happy in the present moment. Happiness isn’t confined to the realms of shopping or spas – it can be found in simple things – like eating your favorite meal, watching your favorite movie, restarting an old hobby, reconnecting with old acquaintances, etc.
Take Responsibility For Your Feelings And Allow Others To Be Responsible For Theirs: When getting over a breakup, make sure to take responsibility of your feelings and emotions. Sometimes, your emotions could get too overwhelming, resulting in your doing things you might regret in the long run. So, it’s extremely important to take responsibility and learn to keep your feelings in check. Similarly, when it comes to the feelings of your ex, you needn’t take their burden onto your shoulders. Let them be responsible for their feelings, create a healthy balance that will eventually help you differentiate between your feelings and those of the ex.
Learn To Create Healthy Boundaries: Learn to create healthy boundaries around people and activities you engage with, in order to deal with the breakup in a better manner. Drawing a concrete line around who and what one allows into their lives is an essential step towards healing and will also help you realize your part in the failed relationship better, thus navigating the way for you to become a better version of yourself.
Revisiting The Cup Of Love Before Pouring – Full or Not? Ensuring your ‘Cup of love is full, before pouring into that of another’ simply means you should have enough self-love within yourself first, before loving another. Often, people with very little or no self-love try pouring love into another’s cup, and end up feeling drained, alone and lost in the relationship. This happens because they always feel the need to give; putting themselves and their needs on the back burner. You need to take this time to realize that a relationship is about equality in give-and-take; and not just a one-sided giving or taking. Coming to terms with the co-dependency in the relationship, helps heal sooner.
Ask For Help, Whenever Needed: Some breakups leave behind deep, psychological wounds which impact your health – mentally and physically. In such cases, you must not feel ashamed or hesitate to ask for help. It is highly advisable to seek help from a professional counsellor or therapist that can help you get to terms with the trauma you are living with.
Use The Breakup To introspect And Know Yourself Better: As humans, we all make mistakes. It would be a good idea to take a step back to introspect and realize our mistakes in the failed relationship. Trusting ourselves around people becomes difficult after a breakup. Some alone time helps regain the trust and get over the feelings for the ex. You can also use this time to understand your expectations from a relationship.