Meherbai’s Mandli recently had a ‘Marriage pe charcha’ on the controversial subject – marriage!
Henpecked Hormusji: If I had murdered my wife, Faridafui, 14 years ago, I would have been out of jail today after serving my full term of imprisonment! Now its life-imprisonment! Mahri tabyet lathri gaij because of my unhappy marriage!
Firdos Fituri: Go to your family doctor for your health!
Henpecked Hormusji: I would have been a healthy person if I had never gone to this doctor. You see, he finds fault with me every time I visit him – once it’s BP, then it’s an overweight problem, later it’s diabetes! I’ll be healthier if I stop visiting him altogether! Even my bank balance will look healthier!
Dolly Ding Dong: My Dolla should be grateful to me for saying ‘Yes’ to an arranged marriage, without even seeing him. Becharo derka jevo laagej!
Dolly’s Dolla (actually Dorab): That’s because she knew that I had a lot of family wealth. In fact, she should be grateful to me for saying ‘Yes’ to her, even after seeing her photo!
Piroj Pehelwan: My wife Soonamai Sample never drinks tea.
Entire Mandli: Why? Why?
Soonamai Sample: Hoon kari thai jawas!!
Piroj Pehelwan: Mahri mai! You are drinking my blood since 45 years – but you haven’t become red!!
Parjat Paula: My Polly has started talking at night in his sleep.
Entire Mandli: Polly Popat? Your parrot?
Paula: Arrey, nahin re, my Pallonji. Mahro var!
Meherwanji: If you allow him to talk during the day, he won’t talk at night in his sleep.
Freny Fatakri: Which is better? Love marriage or arranged marriage?
Fasi Gaylo Faredoon: When you are in love, you make wonders happen, but some years after marriage, you wonder what happened!
Banu Batak: Mine was a love marriage to Lovejibhai Lamboo. He used to say, I’ll get you the moon and the stars. Chand-tara tori laavas and now he resents doing jharoo-katka, bartan, vara-mori, chopping, washing, dusting and opening doors all day… things that are simpler than getting Chand-Tara!
Lovejibhai Laamboo: Hoon toh tadden fasi gayoj! Banoo stands on a stool, since she only comes up to my navel and beats me with the jhadoo, saying stand straight when I punish you!
Meherbai: Lovji bawa, why don’t you throw away the stool? Then she can’t jhadoo you!!
Lovejibhai: Mai, this is the twentieth stool she bought. Besides, in the absence of a stool, she would jhadoo me by jumping up and down like Jack-in-the-box!
Meherwanji: Actually, Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage.
Entire Mandli: Soo Vaat karoj? How?
Meherwanji: He never had to hear about the men she could have married and likewise, she never had to hear about his mother cooking better than her!
Abbhan Aban: If the plural of mouse is mice, then the plural of spouse is spice??
Gustad the Ustad: My Google is behaving like my wife – not allowing me to complete my sentence before guessing and suggesting.
Hormusji Henpecked: I am like a lion in my office. Everyone calls me MGM!
Vicaji Vaaghmaru: And at home? You become a mouse in the house?
Henpecked Hormusji: I am also a lion at home but Goddess Durga (ie Faridafui) sits on the lion!!
Dolly Ding Dong: My Dolla takes me to a fancy restaurant every week, but he never says a prayer before eating as he does at home!
Dolla: Thats because in an up-market restaurant, I am assured of good, tasty food; Their Chefs certainly know how to cook.
Meherbai: Fakirji, say something regarding marriage. Why are you choop-chap and mutton-chap?
Fakarji: Please do not disturb me. I am married and already disturbed.
Mani Meaow: Last evening, I felt very giddy and sick, so I requested my husband to call a vet, but he point-blank refused!
Meherbai: Why a vet? That’s an animal doctor!
Mani: Because I work like a horse, live like a dog, share a house with a monkey and sleep with an old donkey!!
As they were talking of doctors, Pallonji Popat suddenly remembered he had a doctor’s appointment that day, as they were chatting and joking.
Abbhan Aban: Just cancel the doctor’s appointment.
Pallon Popat: And say what?
Aban: Just give any excuse. Best is tell him you are sick!
Baji Bun Pao: My wife wants any excuse to quarrel. I always call her, ‘Left-right, Left-right, always ready for a fight!’ Only last night, she asked me – what’s on TV and I replied, ‘lot’s of dust!’ and ladai shuroo ho gai! This morning, she looked at herself in the bedroom mirror and said, ‘I look horrible. Short, fat, overgrown hair, triple-chin, huge stomach and wall-to-wall hips.’ Then suddenly, she turned to me and said, ‘Say something nice about me to cheer me up!’ I was speechless! So she said, ‘Mohnu kholo and kai bhaso – say something nice about me!’ So, I said, ‘Your eyesight is perfect and you are seeing well’. She charged at me like a bull in a bull-fight while I quickly hid myself behind the steel cupboard, knowing that she is too fat to come there for me!! I stayed there for two hours like a statue and finally mustered courage to creep out silently only to find that she was waiting right outside the bedroom with a velan (rolling-pin). I thought she was making chapattis, but instead she bonked me on my head as if I was a pancake. I still have a liboo on my head!
Henpecked Hormusji: Not liboo, it’s diboo. Let me press it and see!
Baji Bun Pao: Soo Karoj? Maari nakhso!
Meherbai was fed-up of her Mandli’s highly ‘intelligent’ conversations and so she said, ‘We’ll call it a day’, and everyone sau sau ne gherey sidharya.