Life is full of high highs and low lows, and one of the lowest lows is a toothache in the middle of the night. Today’s story is about Dorabji Dolo who was woken up well after midnight with a shooting pain in his left molar. He woke up his wife Coomi Combiflam who advised him to take a Combiflam and go back to sleep. It didn’t work though Dorabji had already taken a Dolo before waking up Coomamai.
Next morning, news spread like wild-fire and every Mandli member knew about Dorabji Dolo’s tragedy. Now as readers may (not) know, Meherbai’s Mandli was like one big happy family. All members were over 80 and took care of each other, since their children were either NRIs or indifferent. Ghar ghar ki kahani! When your own family doesn’t care for you, friends become your family. It was the same with Meherbai who was the mother-figure of the Mandli and called an immediate ‘meeting’ to solve Dorabji’s dental problem and also his mental problem, since he was hyper and hysterical!
Dorabji: Today, dentists are like pop-up shops, here, there and everywhere! I can’t decide where to go!!
Meherbai: In my Bapaiji’s time, there was a Chinese dentist at Dhobi Talao who made her dentures for Rs. 15. She asked for a discount and he charged her only Rs.13. She also asked for a receipt and made him write a guarantee for 5 years or money back. Needless to say, granny enjoyed chana-sing and chikki and all crispy kroom-kroom goodies till she died.
Coomi Combiflam: My Dorabji has changed more dentists than Liz Taylor’s husbands. He is very unlucky and always dissatisfied.
Dorabji Dolo: Today’s dentists are unaffordable. They fill up a small cavity and leave a bigger cavity in your wallet. Someone, please find me a cost-effective dentist!!
Cowsie Kasari: Arey, arey, Dorabji, you poor thing! You have become a Mado-margho!! I’ll take you to my dentist. He sits on a foot-path at Chinchpokli bridge. He removed my molar for Rs. 15.
Entire Mandli: Oh no!! Don’t listen to kanjoos-kakri Cowsie. His dentist sounds like a roadside quack. You’ll die of infection!
Tehmul Tarzan: Sagan no gathio bolyo! (the optimist has spoken).
Coomi Combi: Ovaryu mahra hasta, ramta, bolta, chalta, koodka-marta, jee-bharu dorabji par thi!
Vikaji Vandro: I’ll take you to my dentist who is really cost-effective as desired by you! You don’t have to pay for anesthesia. He has terrible BO (Body-Oder) in his arm-pits and one whiff is sufficient to knock you out!
Coomi Combi: Please stop giving stupid suggestions to my husband. He was such a talkative bolto-popat and vajto ghungro before the toothache.
Boomi Brun-Pao: Stop this pigeon-patlo! I’ll take Dorab to my dentist, Amy. She’s an absolute fatakri who looks like a vision. Only thing is, sometimes she does ghotalas like over-shooting a root-canal or giving a wrong injection. But who cares? She’s a visual delight and I call her Amy Atom-Bomb!
Adi Adagro: Bomi bawa, we all know that you are a ramto-panchi and rangeelo raja even at 85. A real-life loucho-lafango, if ever there was one!!
Meherwanji: Vandro buddho thai pun golat khavanu bhuley nahi!
Coomi Combi: Arrey, my husband doesn’t go to the dentist to do a Golati. He is in severe pain. Tamey lok don’t give dukh par-dahm (rubbing salt on the wound). Give some practical suggestion!
Meherbai asked everyone to vote for their favourite dentist. The highest votes went to 90-year-old Dinshaawji.
Dolly Ding-Dong: Dinshawji is totally behra and can’t hear a word.
Aspi All-rounder: So was Beethovan but he gave priceless music to the world.
Lovji Lambo: Lucky dentist, behra ney behest. He can’t hear a word of his wife’s khit-khit!!
Alamai Anaconda: Dinshawji Dentist can’t see very well and his hands shake all the time. Come on Mandli, he is 90!!
Piloo Pavli-Kum: Older the wine, the better. An old violin plays the sweetest tune.
Our Dorabji got talked into it and reached the Dental Clinic in time, telling his bestie, Cowsi Kasari to be by his side for moral support.
Dorabji: Cowsie, I’m very nervous. Mahara haath-pug thanda thai gayaj. mahney palpitation thaij!
Cowsie Kasari: It’s all in the mind Dorab. Removing a molar is no big deal. If I had a hammer and chisel, I’d remove your molar myself. Besides, this dentist has decades of experience. He has worked in Yerwada Jail and the Thane Mental Asylum treating all sorts of patients. Don’t be nervous. I’ll teach you what to do. Get up and let me sit on the chair. Watch me carefully as I do yogic breathing to calm my nerves.
So Dorabji got up and Cowsie sat on the dental-chair, breathing in deeply and breathing out of a wide-open mouth saying ‘Haaa’. He was on his 5th open-mouthed ‘Haaa’ when Dinshawji Dentist barged in, and in a jiffy, like an expert that he was, removed the molar. It was the right molar. Cowsie screamed like Hector, the Viking King, whose scream could be heard by his entire army according to Greek mythology.
Dinshawji Dentist: Everything Ok? Right tooth gone?
Cowsie: Right tooth but the wrong man.
The dentist instructed his Sumo-Wrestler nurse to pick up Dorabji and put him in the dental-chair. Before poor Dorabji could utter a word, he found himself in the uncomfortable bava adam na jamana ni kharia-khar-khar dental chair, with Dinshawji all over him and unbearable pain in the mouth, but on the wrong molar!!
You see, the Dentist had removed the molar, but it was the wrong molar. The bloody molar on the left side was still hurting!!
Dinshawji Dentist: Everything Ok? Was it the right man this time?
Dorabji Dolo: Right man but the wrong tooth!!
Dinshawji: No problem!! It happens all the time. Come back tomorrow and I’ll take out the right molar tomorrow.
Coomi Combiflam was furious at the dentist and wanted to break his teeth but when asked by the Mandli whether she had accomplished her revenge on the old dentist, she replied that the Dentist didn’t have a single tooth – completely bokho chey!
The Mandli: So what did you do to avenge your husband like a dutiful Parsi wife??
Coomi Combi: I confiscated dentist Dinshaw’s batrisi (dentures)!
Ah well! Even the Bible says, ‘a tooth for a tooth’, but Coomi-mai took away poor Dinshawji’s entire batrisi! Ketli loving bairi! What loyalty for her husband! Khodaiji evi bairi baddhaney aapey!