Every baug has its own wildlife, and no, we don’t mean the dogs and cats. We’re talking about the true OGs: aapri Culinary-Clairvoyant-Katie-Auntie types who announces what’s for dinner at your place even before you’ve removed the karai for cooking, or the Self-Proclaimed-Baug-MasterChef-Behram who thinks your dhansak “lacks soul,” or the Parking-Police-Peston-Uncle, whose full-time job is yelling “Who parked like this?!” and whose fought with every committee since 1984!

So, are you the Gossip Queen who beats the speed of Wi-Fi when there’s news to spread? Or are you the Akuri Purist who treats breakfast like fine art? Or are you the Forever Furious Rarti Rati who’s been writing angry letters to one and all, ever since Doordarshan days? Take this fun quiz and find out…

1. What’s your idea of a perfect Sunday morning?
   A. Sipping 3 cups of choi on your veranda, with binoculars pointed at the opposite Block… strictly for ‘birdwatching’.
   B. Doing a full audit of different smells emanating from everyone’s kitchen smells from the balcony, and declaring who’s committed culinary blasphemy.
   C. Yelling at kids for playing cricket near your building, and calling the secretary for the 19^th time.

 

2. You see a new resident moving into C Block. You:
   A. Casually pass by 7 times in 10 minutes, each time with increasing ‘interest’.
   B. Drop off some ‘self-made’ kolmi-no-patio actually made by your bai.
   C. Immediately call up the committee and ask: “Have these people submitted proper paperwork?”

 

3. What’s your usual colony attire?
   A. Fancy nightie with matching slippers – glamour reigns eternal.
   B. Shorts, ganji and a smug smile.
   C. Well-ironed sudra-lehga and a judgmental expression.
4. If the colony held elections for President of the Baug, your campaign slogan would be:
   A. Truth, Gossip And Tantrums!
   B. Make Akuri Great Again!
   C. No Noise, No Nonsense, Only Notices!

 

5. During colony meetings, you’re the one who:
   A. Takes notes and gossips about who’s eyeing whom during the meeting.
   B. Shushes people loudly because the meeting must start on time, as must the lunch break!
   C. Grumbles about how meetings are just a waste of time and nothing ever changes.

 

6. Someone asks for your recipe to the perfect Dhansak. You:
   A. Smile sweetly, say “Anytime!”, then guard it like it’s the family will locked in your great-grandfather’s Godrej cupboard, since 1962.
   B. Launch into a 45-minute monologue about marinade-timing, masala-to-dal ratios, and why your granny’s recipe has UNESCO status.
   C. Casually say, “Oh it’s very simple,” then list 27 ingredients, 4 moon phases, and one secret step you’ll “take to the grave.”

 

7. Someone in the colony is throwing a party. You…
   A. Casually ‘drop by’ five times before the party to check the menu, guest list, and whether they’re using real crockery or those cheap disposable ones.
   B. Offer to help… only so you can hijack the mic, give a speech no one asked for, and make it all about how your 50^th birthday was still the best.
   C. Grumble about how noisy the colony gets, and how these kids don’t know how to behave.

 

8. Your favourite parking spot has been hijacked yet again. You:
   A. Eye the culprit like a hawk, then ‘accidentally’ park so close they can’t open their door without a crowbar.
   B. Start a neighbourhood WhatsApp war with memes, voice notes, and an impromptu ‘Parking Mafia’ group chat.
   C. Channel your inner Parking-Police-Peston and loudly announce to anyone who’ll listen, “This is a Baug, not a Mumbai traffic jam!”

 

9. Your neighbour’s kid accidentally breaks your prized glassware. You:
   A. Give them the silent treatment so intense, they start apologizing even to your furniture!
   B. Moan so loudly, three aunties come running with Limca thinking someone fainted.
   C. Dramatically clutch your chest and say, “This is why I can’t have nice things… or kids.”
10. Some new super-juicy colony gossip has been unleashed. You:
    A. Pretend to be uninterested, but text five people with the opening line: “I shouldn’t be telling you this but…”
    B. Call your cousin, neighbour, yoga teacher and that aunty you fought with in 2007… because community service comes first.
    C. Turn into Sherlock-Holmes-in-a-sudra, verifying sources, connecting timelines and sharing unimaginable conspiracy theories.

 

11. You find out someone’s secretly dating someone in the colony. You:
    A. Immediately call the ‘Breaking Baug News’ hotline – your cousin Freny – and give her your own steamier version.
    B. Sit smugly with your cup of choi, saying, “I guessed it from the way he gave her the extra chaasni at the colony Jasan!’
    C Start mentally preparing the ‘Wedding or Break-up?’ analysis.
12. Mehru Aunty insists her ‘Chicken-puff is the best amongst all colonies. You:
    A. Nod politely while discreetly feeding it to the colony’s dog, who now avoids her on sight.
    B. Say, “Of course, Aunty!” while secretly texting, “I’ve had better from the Irani bakery near the railway station.”
    C. Start a secret WhatsApp poll titled: “Rate Mehru Aunty’s Chicken Puff: Crunch or Catastrophe?”

 

13. You spot someone sneaking in leftovers from a lagan into a plastic dabba. You:
    A. Pretend to be shocked, but sneakily note the technique for next time.
    B. Plan a secret ‘Leftover Legends’ fan club and nominate them as President.
    C. Get into detective more, whispering, “The case of the disappearing Patra-ni-Macchi begins!”

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RESULTS:

Mostly A’s: You’re the Gossip Queen of the Colony! You know everything before the chai even cools down. Your phone’s hotter than Mumbai in May, burning with all the messages, and your “Did you hear?” game is as sharp as your mamaiji’s tongue. Weddings, fights, who kissed whom – you’re the colony’s very own live news channel.

Mostly B’s: You’re the Akuri Snob of B Block! You treat food like it’s an art form, your kitchen is basically the colony’s unofficial Michelin star spot! You are calm, precise and believe there’s a correct way to do everything, especially breakfast.

Mostly C’s: You’re the Rarti Rati, the Perpetually Cranky Complainer!
You’ve mastered the art of complaining – about noise, parking, chai, weddings and everything else. Your rants are legendary and your eye-rolls are so deep, you could check out your past lives! But deep down, you love the colony… you just prefer it when people do exactly what you say, and nothing ever changes. A true classic!

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So, whether you’re the Gossip Queen, the Akuri Purist or the Forever Furious Rarti Rati with a lifetime subscription to the complaint department, remember, it’s all about loving each other! May your karai always stay hot, your gossip hotter, and your parking spot be ONLY yours. Saal Mubarak to all! Until next time, stay quirky, stay fabulous, keep the laughter loud, the Bawa spirit cracking!