By Peston Ponga Pandit!

Welcome dear Bawas and Bawis to your official, 100% accurate (and 200% made-up) 2026 Zodiac predictions! Whether you’re sipping on your daily choi with batasa or arguing about which caterer makes the best Pulao-daar, our very own Peston Ponga Pandit has consulted the divine ‘spirits’ (namely Mr. Old Monk and Mr. Johny Walker) to bring you the ultimate guide to see you through this Navu Varas 2026! So, buckle up, because your fate is as unpredictable as the plate of lagan-nu-custard at a navjote buffet…

Aries (March 21 – April 19) – The Spicy Salli-Boti: You are bold, fiery and always in a hurry – just like aapro Bomsie rushing to grab all the garam-garam prawn appetisers at a lagan. This year, expect major arguments over trivial matters, like the correct way to stir the akuri. Financially, you might splurge too much on imported ganjis (vests), but who’s counting? Love life is sizzling, with both, gher-ni-Gulnaar and bahr-ni-Binaifer… just ensure you don’t forget to bring home the best mawa cake in the market.

Tip: Control your temper, or risk being denied the last serving of lagan-nu-custard.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20) – The Steady Patra-ni-Machi: Loyal, dependable and always thinking about food – that’s you, Taurus. 2026 will test your patience, especially when someone suggests that Veg Dhansak is acceptable (gasp!). Work will be stable, but be cautious of colleagues who steal ‘cutless’ from your lunch tiffin. Love life looks good, as long as you don’t forget important dates, like your partner’s birthday or the anniversary of your in-laws.

Tip: Carry an extra portion of Patrel to make new friends.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20) – The Two-Sided Daar-ni-Pori: Your dual nature means you love both – Bawa banter and absolute silence when eating. Expect a year of mixed fortunes – one day, you’re enjoying an unlimited Parsi buffet, the next, you’re stuck in a diet crisis. Socially, you’ll be in demand, especially for recommending the best caterers. Romance? Only if you stop over-analyzing why your date prefers bhakra over mawa cake.

Tip: Stick to one restaurant loyalty card instead of hoarding five.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22) – The Soft-Hearted Lagan-Nu-Custard: Emotional and nostalgic, you still remember the exact taste of your granny’s Chaapats. This year, you’ll find joy in reconnecting with long-lost relatives (mainly over meals). Work will be busy, but rewarding, just don’t let office politics ruin your appetite. Love life is promising, but only if you stop comparing potential partners to your mumma’s cooking skills or pappa’s bank balance.

Tip: Keep a hidden stash of Walnut fudge for emergency emotional support.

Leo (July 23 – August 22) – The Tatreli-Margi-ni-Taang-no-Piece: Bold, dramatic and always the centre of attention, just like the prized taang-no-piece, everyone fights over. This year, you’ll shine at social gatherings, but be careful not to overdo the boasting (especially about how many Eeda you can eat in one go). Work success is guaranteed, but so is weight gain if you don’t balance out the constant dinner invitations!

Tip: Let others have a say in the family menu (or anything else!) once in a while.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22) – The Perfect Ravo: You like things done the right way, and by ‘right,’ we mean YOUR way. This year, you’ll spend hours perfecting your Masala-ni-daar recipe while judging others’ cooking. Work will demand discipline and relationships will thrive if you stop correcting your partner’s Gujarati pronunciations. Financially, good fortune awaits, especially if you avoid investing in dubious ‘authentic Parsi pickle’ ventures.

Tip: Take a deep breath and accept that not all chaarvela eeda are made in taju ghee.

Libra (September 23 – October 22) – The Well-Balanced Pora-Pau: Harmonious and diplomatic, you’re the one settling arguments over the consistency of Tarapori Patio. This year, you’ll play peacemaker in family feuds, particularly over inheritance of treasured Parsi recipe books. Career growth is steady, and romance is smooth, as long as your partner appreciates the fine art of eating tarela boomlas… and doesn’t check your WhatsApp messages.

Tip: Never underestimate the power of a well-timed gift of kaju-macarooms.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21) – The Mysterious Kolmi-no-Patio: Intense, passionate and fiercely protective of your family’s secret curry masala recipe. This year, you’ll make strong financial decisions, mostly about how much money to lose playing cards at Parsi Gymkhana or putting a cap on Swiggy orders! Love will be interesting, but don’t let your jealousy flare up if someone else gets the last piece of caramel custard.

Tip: Less glaring, more sharing – especially when it comes to dessert.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) – The Adventurous Jardaloo-Ma-Gos: A traveller at heart, you love exploring, whether it’s new restaurants or distant cousins’ houses for free food. This year, exciting opportunities await, but so do unexpected expenses (probably due to gourmet food orders). Romance is promising, but don’t scare off potential partners with intense discussions about the superiority of Kolah-nu-achaar over other pickles.

Tip: Sometimes, homemade food is as good as eating out (yes, really!).

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19) – The Unshaken, Solid Patrel: Hardworking, responsible and slightly stubborn, you take your bhonu as seriously as your work. This year, financial stability is assured, but don’t forget to treat yourself occasionally. Love life is steady, but make sure to express feelings instead of just gifting home-made mayonnaise as affection.

Tip: Life is short, say yes to that extra helping of frilly cutlets.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18) – The Quirky Raspberry Soda: Innovative and a little eccentric, you’re the one suggesting weird new twists to classic dishes. This year, expect unexpected career changes – possibly involving food! Love life is unconventional but exciting, though your partner might raise eyebrows at your experiments with mora-daar-chaaval.

Tip: Stick to classics when cooking for guests – avoid ‘fusion Dhansak’ when in-laws visit.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20) – The Dreamy Doodh-na-Puff: Gentle and artistic, you float through life like a perfectly made Doodh-nu-Puff on a winter morning. This year, creativity will flourish, and romance will bloom if you stop day-dreaming, mid-conversation. Work is smooth, but avoid procrastinating (especially on food orders).

Tip: Dreams are good, but so is making actual dinner plans.

In conclusion, whether your stars predict fortune or famine, one thing’s for sure… food will always be at the centre of every Parsi’s life. So, eat, drink and let the New Year echo with laughter, full stomachs and never-ending rounds of fudna-ni-choi! Sal Mubarak!!