A Glimpse Into the Future of the Bawaji Civilisation

By Behram Bharucha

If current trends continue, the year 2075 will be a fascinating time for the global Parsi community. Our population may hover somewhere between ‘rare species’ and ‘critically endangered but extremely well catered’. Yet numbers aside, the spirit of the Bawa will remain gloriously intact. The official Global Parsi Demographic Report of 2075 will likely begin with a simple observation: Population: modest; Opinions: unlimited. In fact, historians will agree that the Parsi community may be small, but our ability to debate parking, food and genealogy will still be unmatched by any civilisation on earth.

Take a typical morning in a typical Parsi Colony Heritage Smart Zone, Mumbai – Year 2075:

At exactly 7:00 am, the colony announcement system declares: “Good morning residents. Navroz Mubarak! Kindly remove your flying vehicles from the No-Parking Airspace outside Baug No. 3.” Because technology may change, but Parsi parking fights are eternal. Already, Perinaz Contractor-Engineer-Doctor-Cooper (four surnames, because global marriages are now standard) is standing outside the baug gate shouting at her neighbour: “Faredoon! Your drone-car is hovering three inches into my parking airspace! I have satellite proof!”

Inside the colony hall, preparations for Navroz 2075 are underway. But in the future, the lagan-nu-bhonu is supervised by Aloomai AI Aunty v5.3, a holographic auntie programmed with the personalities of seventy original Parsi aunties from the 1980s.

“Dikra!” the hologram scolds poor Rustomjee Patel-Garcia-Fernandes, “don’t touch the patra-ni-machhi before the Jashan! And stand straight! Why are you slouching like that buddho Salman Khan fellow?” Rustomjee sighs. He is 45 years old, unmarried, and lives with his mother, grandmother, two dogs and one emotionally unstable parrot. Nothing unusual there. Even in 2075, the Great Parsi Bachelor Tradition remains strong.

“Mumma,” he protests, “please stop telling people I’m single.” His mother Dominating-Dolly replies loudly enough for the entire hall to hear: “He is not single. He is delayed marriage project since 2038!”

Across the room, three teenagers are livestreaming the event on HoloTok. “Hi guys!” says influencer Bapsi Mistry-Goldstein-Khan, addressing her 2 million followers. “Today we’re reviewing three futuristic versions of dhansak.”

Comments begin appearing instantly: “Try the vegan dhansak!” “Add quinoa rice!” “Put avocado!”

At this point, three elderly Parsin aunties faint simultaneously.

Food, of course, has evolved dramatically by 2075. Traditionalists like Behram Uncle still insist that “nothing should change.” Unfortunately, his granddaughter has ordered experimental fusion dishes and now the Navroz menu includes: Nano-machhi patra; Lab-grown mutton dhansak; Keto lagan-nu-custard; and Gluten-free sev. Behram Uncle studies the plate suspiciously. “This is dhansak?” he asks. “Yes,” says the chef proudly. “It was designed by an algorithm.” Behram Uncle sighs deeply. “In my time, dhansak was designed by God.”

Outside the hall, young Parsis are discussing relationships. By 2075, interfaith marriages are so common that the World Parsi Genealogy App now includes a setting called Mixed Bawa Mode. Technology has also transformed religious life. The Agiary of the Future now includes digital prayer screens and voice-activated reminders. “Attention Humdins,” the temple system announces calmly. “You have not performed your kusti before entering. Kindly correct immediately.” From the back bench, Pestonji Uncle mutters, “Even Ahura Mazda is sending notifications now!”

Pets, meanwhile, continue to dominate Parsi households. By 2075, every second Parsi owns two dogs, one cat and occasionally a rescued turtle named Cyrus.

At the Navroz gathering, Bomi Daruwalla proudly introduces his golden retriever. “This is my boy, Xerxes!”

“Very nice name,” someone says politely. “Yes,” Bomi replies proudly. “He understands Gujarati, English, French and German.” At this point, Xerxes steals three kolmi-na-kawab. “Very cultured animal,” Bomi adds.

Meanwhile, the Parsi Global Council is holding its annual meeting via hologram.

Agenda Item No. 1: ‘How to increase the population’. After four hours of serious debate and bite-sized chicken sandwiches with fudna-ni-chio, the final resolution reads: “Encourage marriages. Also encourage second helpings of sandwich.” Because priorities must remain balanced.

As evening arrives, the celebration reaches peak chaos. Someone begins playing ‘Mehbooba Mehbooba – Oooooo’– Retro Remix 2065 Edition. Within seconds, 89-year-old but extremely energetic Perin Aunty starts dancing with her neighbour’s grandson, one confused robot waiter and somebody’s Labrador.

Rustomjee, still unmarried but very well fed, raises a toast: “My dear fellow Parsis,” he declares dramatically, “fifty years from now we may be fewer in number… but we will remain exactly the same.” The room cheers. Because whether it is 1925, 2025 or 2075, the essence of the Parsi community will never change… We will argue loudly. Eat generously. Love our dogs excessively. Research our family trees endlessly. And worry about parking more than geopolitics. And somewhere in the corner, a holographic aunty will still be shouting: “Arrey dikra! Who finished all the bota from the salli-boti???”