Never Too Old To Lose A Parent

Dear Readers,

There are some losses for which life never quite prepares us. Losing a parent is one of them. I lost my father recently, and I’m discovering that grief does not arrive all at once. It comes in parts… in an empty chair, in a familiar song,in hearing something funny and instinctively wanting to share it with dad but suddenly realising there will be no next conversation.

That is the cruellest truth about losing a loved one – permanence only becomes real when they are gone.That’s when we understand something no age can teach us beforehand – it doesn’t matter whether we are eight, eighteen or eighty. Somewhere inside, we remain our parents’ children… we are never too old to lose a parent or a loved one.

And then come the questions, theregrets,because love makes us wish we had given more.…Could I have done more? Said something differently? Been more patient? Spent another hour together? There will always be something we could have done better, a rude or impatient word we wish we could take back, a hug we could have held longer. Love, after loss, has a heartbreaking habit of remembering what time no longer allows us to change.

So, maybe we should allow grief to teach us how to live with those still beside us.Call the parent whose voice we take for granted. Sit with the elder who repeats the same story. Forgive the small irritations. Say the affectionate words that sometimes feel awkward. Our Parsi homes are filled with strong personalities and even stronger opinions, but let love have the final word more often.

To everyone dealing with the absence of a loved one, may we keep their memory alive in the finest way possible: through our values, kindness, favourite songs, shared jokes, stories and the goodness they instilled in us.

We cannot rewrite yesterday. But while we are still blessed with the presence of those we love, let us give them freely our time, tenderness and affectionthat our hearts would ache to give, once they are gone.Because one day, only memories will remain.May ours be filled with everything we did say, everything we did share and all the love we did not leave for tomorrow.

Have a good weekend.

– Anahita

Anahita Subedar
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