OK. The opening and closing frames of the film couldn’t have been more reprehensible — John Abraham (Kabir), a crack member of the Special Task Force and the blue-eyed boy of the External Affairs Ministry (the Minister is a woman, of course!) is shown smoking in an elevator and flicking a lit cigarette at the foot of an aircraft that’s ready to take-off. ‘Bullet nahi maar paayi toh cigarette kya cheez hai?’ Wonder what the filmmakers were trying to prove?

The story itself is uncomplicated—a triangular one-day series involving India, Pakistan and Sri Lanka is being played in the UAE. Naturally there is top bookie Wagah played by Akshaye Khanna (no prizes for guessing why he is called Wagah). India’s top cricketer Viraj Sharma (Saqib Saleem—a thinly-veiled reference to Virat Kolhi) is abducted before a crucial India-Pak match and is threatened to fix it. The Indian Government lets loose Kabir who, after landing in the UAE, pairs himself with Junaid (Varun Dhawan), a local cop. Together, the two go to town, literally, in search of the prized Indian batsman. They enlist the help of Ishika (Jacqueline Fernandez), a lassy pickpocket, who, when not gyrating to the ‘inspired’ Arabic tunes of music-director Pritam, bares to the maximum (and it’s not just her dental artwork she bares).

It’s a typical John Abraham film with bi’s (bikes, biceps) and bai’s (Jacqueline Fernandez, Nargis Fakhri). Akshaye Khanna, seen after a long time does well and the cricket sequences are well directed. Director Rohit Dhawan gifts his actor–brother Varun a few good lines.

Dishoom is a film filled largely with hackneyed one-liners, most of which fall flat. But it is left to Akshay Kumar, who in a cameo, rescues the film from the depths of absolute drudgery.