After enjoying rollicking parties for New Year, Valentine’s Day, Holi and Jamshedi Navroze, the Mandli fixed another party for an all-inclusive lunch date. The idea was that a little bit of nonsense makes a lot of sense in life! This time they had two new couples in their Mandli – Dinamai Designer and her husband – Karko Cowsie and then there was Jamshedji genius and his wife Alamai Anaconda, who was most reluctant to leave Jamshedji alone and clung to him like super-glue!

Dinamai Designer: I wear only designer clothes from well-known brands. My jeans are always Levi’s and my shoes come from Jimmy Choo or Salvatore Farragamo. I wear only Sabyasachi for lagans and I run around the house in shorts designed by Rahul Mishra.

Abbhan Aban: My! My! Then your husband’s surname must be Tata, Birla, Godrej, Ambani or Adani.

Dinamai: Arrey nahi re! My lavish style is due to my bapiko paiso. My Cowsie comes from a very middle-class family and what’s more, he’s kanjoos, makhhi-choos and a karkabaroos. It is unfortunate that I saw only his good-looks and said ‘Yes’ to him.

Jamshedji genius: Dinamai, what a shallow way to introduce yourself to the Mandli. You don’t need designer stuff to define yourself. You need a designer personality like mine!! I wear Fashion Street clothes, picked up from the stalls near the Bhika-Behram well and still look like God’s gift to women because clothes don’t make me – I make the clothes look ‘designer’ on me!

Abbhan Aban: Yes Jamshedji. Maybe that’s why your wife Alamai Anaconda doesn’t leave you alone with any woman!

Alamai Anaconda: Jamshedji’s libido is always very high though he has one and a half foot in the grave. Last month, he was in Parsi General Hospital and it was a touch and go situation. Not healthwise! But the authorities there still gave my Jamsu a final warning: “You TOUCH any nurse once more, and you Go out of the hospital!” That’s why I cling to him like an Anaconda! My Jamsu looks so handsome even at 85 – always well dressed, tip-top and chicken-chop.

Rutty Ration Card: My husband’s libido got over years ago.

Abbhan Aban: Ruttymai, if your malido was over, I could have given you some!

Coomi Kaajwali: Marerey! She does not know the difference between libido and malido!

 

Soon Vaki-doki na Vikaji arrived with his home-made, half-baked shayarees and Bollywood songs. He started singing the old Kishor Kumar number: ‘Khush Hai Zamana, Aaj Pehli Tarikh Hai!’

Mai-Kanglo-minoo: Pehli tarikh comes every month. So what’s new?

Vicaji: Today, I’m determined to propose to Abbhan Aban in a manner she can’t resist and started singing, ‘Main Solah Baras Ka, Tu Satra Baras Ki!’

Aban: Marerey Muo, mentally retarded 16 years old!!

Vicaji:  Hum tum, ek kamrey mein bandh ho, aur chavi kho jaai!

Aban: Vicaji, as it is you stay in one room with your maiji, bawaji and two obnoxious sisters, so someone in your family is bound to have the key. It can never be lost!

 

Now Vikaji sang the famous Deepika number from the film, Pathan:
Hamey toh loot liya mil ke ishq walon ney,
Besharam rang kahaan dekha, duniya walon ney!

Frigid Frenymai: Stop singing Besharam songs of Kambakht Ishk!!

Patriotic Pilamai: Yes! It’s against our Bharatiya Sanskriti.

Meherbai: Vikaji, by now you should know that even if you were the last man on Earth, Aban would prefer to die a virgin!

Vicaji: Give me one last chance Aban, my jaan! (He starts singing Rekha’s Umrao Jaan song:
Dil cheez kya hai, aap meri jaan li jiye,
          Bus ek baar mera kahaa, maan lijiye.

Aban: Keep your Dil and Cheese to yourself. The answer is NO!

It was Banoo Batak’s birthday and Meherbai brought out a huge fresh-strawberry and cream cake and they all sang Happy Birthday in different keys and different tunes, as usual.

Keki Khadhro:  Banoo is so short and her cake is so tall!

Keki’s wife: Keks! Keks! That means more leftover cake for us to take home.

Keki: My wife is my Chandramukhi and I am her Suryamukhi!

Vikaji: As I see it, after marriage, she is SUKHI and you are DUKHI as gher-jamai, thanks to her dominating mother who controls every little area of your married life, including how your children should be brought-up.

Silloo Psychiatrist: Tell her off by saying, “Sasuji, you brought up your kids your way, now let me bring up my kids my way.”

Nosey Najamai: Is that why your mother-in-law looked upset yesterday and kept going out and coming in of your main-door every other minute? You punished her or what?

Keks: Nahi re! Baba Ramdev was on TV yesterday and I was following his yoga. Babaji said, “Saas ko bahar nikalo, Saas ko under lo”, meaning breathe out, breathe in. My stupid mom-in-law heard it and kept going in and out of the main door, thinking that she was also doing yoga. My hen-pecked father-in-law and I were watching the fun.

Banu Batak: For my birthday today, I’ve got everything new, only my husband, Lovjibhai Lambo is old and going soft in the head, day by day. We sleep in separate bedrooms because he snores like a train nu engine and sneezes so loudly that I get a shower every time!! Last night, he snored so loudly, in Dolby-System-Style that I put a kapra sukav-vaani clip on his huge papeta jevoo naak, after which I could sleep peacefully in my bedroom.

Lovejibhai Lambo: My batak has 12 cupboards in her bedroom which she inherited from her mother, so there’s no place to walk in her bedroom, leave alone sleep. Besides, I need to get up often during the night due to my diabetes and prostrate problem and batak gets disturbed. Also, Batak gets up at nine in the morning while I wake up at six. I have so many problems in life that I wonder why I married this woman! Hoon fasi gayoj. Now where to go in old age?

The entire Mandli sympathised with this fasi gaylo, pastailo Parsi  whose young wife was giving him hell in private while pretending to be happily married in public.

Meherwanji: Let’s change the topic. Somebody, tell us a joke.

Sheramai Sharpshooter: Once upon a time, there was an extremely intelligent Sardarji.

The Mandli: Then what happened? What’s next?

Sheramai: “Extremely intelligent Sardarji!” That IS the joke!

Lovjibhai Lambo: My wife speaks to me only in three sign languages – Making BIG eyes at me, Showing me the jhadoo, and Slamming the door.

Meherwanji: Lovejibhai, please don’t discuss your marriage. No one’s interested. Everyone knows about your so-called love-marriage to a much younger woman!

Meherbai: Another joke anyone?

Tehmul Tarzan: Just open any news channel on TV and it’s free entertainment! No need of jokes. Just watch our elected representatives fighting like goondas and mavalis on the floor of the legislature, pulling each other’s hair like fisherwomen, using language like chor ki mandli, ghoos-khaoo etc. There’s total chaos and pandemonium on the floor! Is this what we voted for?

Meherbai: It reminds us of Oscar Wilde when he said that ” Politics is the last refuge of rascals.” This is why decent and honest people keep away from politics. Amitabh Bachchan calls it, “The cess-pool of politics.” An honest man won’t last even for a day. In fact, he can’t even aspire to be elected. Do you know that a number of elected politicians have criminal cases against them?

Meherwanji: Churchill was right when he said that “their leaders” will tax the very air the public breathes. Clean air, pure water and good roads are fundamental rights of the ‘janta’. But do we get them? We are denied even that!!

Khadhro Keks: Meherbai, on this note, let’s have lunch. But first beer and starters. I’ve brought my theli to take home left-over starters, cake and food!!

When the lunch party was over and everyone did their ta-ta-bye-bye, Meherwanji  told Keks, “thank you for coming, and more thank you for going!”