Cyrus The (Not So) Great!

 

Aapro Cyrus Broacha, the Brand Ambassador of Humour, is back to trigger unlimited giggles and guffaws, with his hilarious take on appropriating the Parsi New Year date!! …in our exclusive column, ‘Cyrus The (Not So) Great!’

 

Soo karoo!?!?! I’m in a quandary! Sorry to use such big, big words. Even more sorry to use big plus another big in succession, in the same sentence! But, it’s to do with 2023’s Parsi New Year! The three days in August, you don’t want it to fall on are, 14^th, 15^th and 16^th!

 

See, 14^th August is for the obvious reasons… it happens to be Pakistan’s Independence Day, so being the minorities’ minority, you don’t want fingers to be pointed. Then, 15^th August is India’s Independence Day – the story why India’s Independence Day is a day later is quite fascinating. Apparently, unlike Pakistan, India decided to wait one day extra for sponsors! Now, we can’t have Parsi New Year on the 15^th, because for some inexplicable reason, India’s Independence Day, is a compulsory dry day! So, impossible option.

That brings us to the 16^th of August. Now here, for many Parsis, and for fans across the world, as you all know, 16^th is a day for mourning. In fact, 2023, 16^th August, is Elvis’s 46^th death anniversary!! A sad day for us all. Maybe, if he had lived, we would never have had to put up with Kanye West, in the first place!

But, coming back, now that August 16^th is the day, we can’t fight the calendar, or the shifting of seasons. So Parsi New Year is on the 16^th, and that’s that! Now to fit with the times and allow festivities to evolve, let’s turn to 1961 National Powerlifter Champion – Pallonji Peltigraw. Pallon was known as ‘Angles’, because of the peculiar grip he used on his bar bell.

Angles is considered one of the pillars of the community, at 74. And even though he lives in Toronto, he’s very progressive and forward thinking. And this is precisely what he had to say…

 “Enough of these naataks, pageants, and parties! Family dinners are both – overrated and overdone! Besides, it’s not like a new, undiscovered member turns up for these dinners in the first place! The world has moved forward. In today’s world, there are 107 acceptable genders. Twitter has evolved to X, and Reality Shows have replaced everything else when it comes to entertainment!

So, I propose on Parsi New Year, that we put up a Parsi Big Boss, (location is easy, many Parsis have unoccupied Bungalows in Mahableshwar) where 16 of the finest Parsi specimen are put to the test! Their challenge will include:

(a) 16 people but only 12 beds!

(b) Vegetarian food!

(c) No warm water

(d) Just one toilet; and

(e) No access to view live sport.

This will go on for 4 weeks. The winner will get a flat in Cusrow Baug as well as he/she will get to decide how 2024 Parsi New Year is to be celebrated! Also, in this four-week contest, if any Parsi off-spring are born, as a direct result, miraculously, no-one’s going to complain. On the contrary, this will lead to celebrations and congratulations. Please let’s move on with the progressive world, and, turn this New Year to a 2023 Special!”

Folks, I think we should consider Pallon’s words carefully… and please don’t worry about Elvis – you see, I have spoken to Gary Lawyer (direct descendant of Elvis), and we will move the death anniversary to the 17^th!!!

Saal Mubarak!!!