Meherbai’s Coffee-Pe-Charcha

Demonetization fever has gripped our society these days. Everywhere one goes, it is the same lament and people are really in distress about not having enough money in small denominations. Meherbai decided to hold a seminar on this hot issue with her usual mandli to exchange ideas and find ways to mitigate the hardship.

Meherbai got up on the morning of her coffee-party lamenting: “Asal no Jamano Gayo. Once, money meant gold-coins, Sona-Mohar. Later we had silver-coins. I still remember how one rupee silver-coin fallen on the ground sounded like the one-rupee coin of ‘Sholay’ in Dolby-system – KHANNANG!! Su Vajan ne purchasing power!”
Then came tamba-coins (copper-coins). After that, paper-money (not worth the paper they are printed on) Havey even paper-money is not available in the required denomination! People have been reduced to stand like “Bhikharis” in long queues for their own hard-earned white money.

Meherwanji: Women don’t get it. Ultimately it is to flush out black-money. Isn’t that good for the country?

Meherbai: Tamey to Toplo Odhi Ney Besi Raho! Even a moron knows that the real black-money has already been transferred to real-estate, farm-houses, multiple-ownership flats, gold-biscuits, jewellery and in overseas-banks. Only 10 to 15 % is in cash is with the public. Now to unearth this small percentage, what pareshani and takleef the innocent and honest people are being put through. The only possible argument in favour of demonetization is that it will hit the terrorist organizations hard but that is only a temporary or a medium term phase.

Meherwanji: No. I don’t agree with you.

Meherbai: No! You agree with Vijay Mallya, Lalit Modi and that South Indian mining baron who spent 500 crores on his daughter’s wedding! Whose side are you on? Chalo Chalo, I am getting late for my seminar.

Meherwanji: What seminar?

Meherbai: Coffee-pe-Charcha like Modiji’s Chai-pe-Charcha. So after the tea-party last week at the Parsi Gymkhana, today we ladies are meeting at a coffee shop.
First things first said Khadri Katy. Let’s order something to eat and drink. “I’ll have my usual ABC juice and organic chicken salad sandwiches”, said Mehebai.
“What is ABC? That belongs to the Kindergarten and not to an eatery” said Abbhan-Aban. “Arrey, it’s an Apple, Beetroot and Carrot juice – a gold-mine of vitamins and minerals. Meherwanji has it once a week, so he can have all the stamina to do our house-hold work for the rest of the week!”
The ladies drove the waiter crazy (as Parsi women always do) with this orders of their signature-sandwich, plus Parsi-poro, Parsi-akuri, tamota-per-eedu, hash-browns, butter toast, salads (practically the entire menu – like they can’t make pora, akuri etc. at home). All this is just for starters? Asked Khadri Katy. The girls, (all over 72), decided that it was enough food-talk. After all, they were thinking women, intellectual women and not dhansakyas, for which you go to the Rippon Club every Wednesday.
Meherbai the MC (Master of Ceremonies – what did you think?) started: “In a surgical strike on his Godrej Cupboard, I discovered that Meherwanji had hidden Rupees two lacs in Rs. 1,000 notes without my knowledge.”
“What did you do with it? Make Achar?”
It’s useless!”
“My dear, I already deposited the same in our account with The Zorastrian Bank.” retorted Meherbai. “While waiting in the long Que, I ordered three huge Domino Pizzas online and had a feast.”
Silloo said, “I went to YES Bank, NO Bank and every other Bank but everywhere there was chaos because my sample hubby, Sammy-six-pack fainted after an hour in the sun and I had to revive him with my chappal and recover his wig, from under someone’s foot each time.”

Arrey, Arrey bichari Silloo. This Arun Tata-Tetley or Jaitley or whatever his name is has said: “Don’t worry, everything will be ok in 2 to 3 weeks.”

“This is like pushing us off a plane and throwing a parachute after us later said Gulu Gol Gol.”

“Ladies, Ladies, temporary inconvenience will be there but this was a master-stroke by Modi to eliminate Kala-Dhan.” Said Mani Meaow (she was very catty). To which Jer Jardaloo asked “Oh yeah? Where is Modiji’s promise of bringing back Kala-Dhanjisha (Oops! Kala-Dhan) from abroad within 100 days and giving each citizen Rs. 15 lakhs? He hasn’t given me even 15 rupees and each time the courier comes home, my husband Bomi asks him ‘pandra lakh laya?’

Your Bomi is really a sample. My Behram was a senior banker and tells me that 70% of the black-money is stacked abroad. “We middle-class people use cash for house-hold expenses and are left holding the baby in the form of Rs. 2,000 notes. How do I pay my subji-wala, pow-wala, eda-wala, doodh-wala with such notes? Just after Freedom at Midnight, it was India’s golden age of Vande Matram. Today alas, it’s the age of public’s Kheesa-Kaatram.”

Putli Popat said: “Its’ all politically motivated. The Government at the Centre had selectively leaked the news of demonetization to its own party members so the opposition parties are starved of funds for the oncoming State elections and are left high and dry, like my neighbor Karko Keki. My hubby, who everybody calls Polly the politician told me this.”

“Wah! Wah! Su Tahra Polly nu bheju chey! All our husbands talk about is food. Tell us more – please, please!!”

“See – the real black money floating around and depressing our economy belongs to politicians and bureaucrats, ok?”

Ok, but we don’t see them at Bank or ATM queues. They have already converted the black into gold coins or biscuits and invested them in some Howdas-Chowdas Companies in which their family members, peons, drivers and gardeners make up the Board of Directors. Of course they will sacrifice some loose change in their pocket like a crore or two. Corruption won’t stop. Bribes will be given and taken but in gold, land etc. How can corruption end just because a few notes are taken out of circulation? After all this Ho-Ha and Shoo-Sha, only a small amount of black money will become white.

“I got it said clever Coomi, what you mean is, just as Fair and Lovely can’t turn a woman from black to white, this move can’t turn hot money into cold cash”. Every one clapped because Coomi the clever brought down the entire issue within the comprehension of the lowest common denominator in the group. Actually the whole bunch of these ladies were only moderately intelligent, and some downright sub-intelligent but each one thought she is superior to the other. Women are like that and so are men, human nature being what it is!

The bill arrived and Meherbai asked: “Who has a card? That person can pay and we can give our share. Jeroo Jardaloo promptly asked, “X’Mas or New Year card?” She was hooted down. We are talking about Debit or Credit Card.

Bill settled, Meherbai asked, “So what did you all learn from today’s meeting? Piloo the poet replied:

BANKS	= OUT OF CASH
ATM	= OUT OF SERVICE
PUBLIC	= OUT OF CONTROL
PM	= OUT OF COUNTRY

A huge thunderous clapping followed for Piloo, the poet- Laureat from Parel. Even Shakespeare from Ballard Pier couldn’t have put it better. The ladies went home after TA-TA, Bye-Bye and take care to have a full and proper lunch with their husbands until they decided to meet again.