– Zaara M. Kapadia –

Ours is a community that can debate for hours about the best way to cook one dish. And if there’s one dish worth fighting over, it’s our national dish – Dhansak. Forget democracy, forget world peace… if you’re looking to start a real war, just walk into any Bawa home and proclaim, “I prefer my dhansak without the caramelized (browned) rice.” You will be excommunicated faster than you can say ‘Sali-ma-boti’!

You see, for us Parsis, Dhansak is not just food, it is identity, like religion. It is the holy trinity of masala-ni-daar, soft gosh (meat) and the perfectly caramelised / browned rice, which when mixed along with a dash of leebu-no-ras (lemon-juice), can make your palate feel like it just toured heaven! It’s the one dish that can unite the bawajis from Dadar Parsi Colony to New York’s Zoroastrian enclaves.

But, like any religion, there are sects. Some insist it should only be made on the fourth day after a funeral (morbid but true). Others say to hell with tradition, dhansak should be enjoyed every Sunday, alongside an afternoon nap and existential regret!

Let me share a less known Parsi conspiracy… as you know, us Bawas don’t believe in small portions of anything – be it food or fun! If we love something, we get cutely fanatical about it. Whether it’s cars (ask any Parsi uncle with a 1980s Mercedes), homes (full of furniture no one is allowed to sit on), or surnames (Daruwalla or Sodawaterwala), everything is extra. And this is why we will never let dhansak go mainstream!

Just imagine! If the world knew how good it was, there would be mass hysteria! Imagine Michelin-star chefs attempting to perfect our dhansak! Imagine Jamie Oliver throwing some random ‘twist’ on it (probably with kale, ugh!). No, no, no! Dhansak must remain our Bawa secret, just like the formula for Duke’s Raspberry Soda and the reason why we speak in such a sing-song accent.

The Rise of the Dhansak Supremacists…

Meet aapra Sorab Uncle, a 72-year-old retired banker who has made it his life’s mission to protect the sanctity of dhansak. “In my time, nobody would dream of using boneless mutton! Chusi-chaavine harka saaf karvaana – that’s the only way to do justice!” he thunders at Sunday lunch, while his long-suffering wife, Freny, rolls her eyes while serving him an extra helping.

Then there’s aapro Farokh, the millennial who thinks he’s an ‘influencer’ because he once posted a picture of dhansak on Instagram with the caption #DalBawaPower. He got all of 10 likes – double the number of likes than usual. He even tried to make a ‘vegan dhansak’ once, an experiment that resulted in his grandmother cutting him out of her will.

And how can we forget about aapri Coomi Masi, the self-proclaimed culinary queen of the Parsi colony. She is so crazily secretive about her recipe, that she won’t even write it down! “Just watch and learn,” she hollers, while waving her karchho (spatula), with greater conviction than Harry Potter waving his magic wand. If you dare ask her for measurements, she’ll glare so hard, the milk will curdle!

The Global Dhansak Diplomacy

Despite our dwindling numbers, us Bawas have been able to export our love for dhansak worldwide. There are dhansak dinners in London, dhansak pop-ups in Canada, and one particularly brave Parsi in Australia who tried to open a ‘Dhansak & Co.’ food truck. It lasted for months before he packed up and moved back to Mumbai, citing, “Severe lack of good bawas to eat it with!”

Meanwhile, in America, a Parsi software engineer named Xerxes has been tirelessly lobbying for a “Dhansak Day” at his Silicon Valley office. “They have Taco Tuesday, why not Dhansak Friday?” he argues. Unfortunately, his co-workers remain unconvinced, largely because Xerxes keeps threatening to quit if they ever suggest using tofu instead of mutton.

So, my dear fellow bawas, it’s time to Make Dhansak Great Again! Let us unite in this noble cause. Let us guard our recipe books with the same ferocity as we guard our lagan-nu-custard on our paatru at weddings. And above all, never forget the golden rule: Never, under any circumstances, trust a Parsi who says they don’t like dhansak!