The Mandli boys and girls (all over 80) had only one problem in life, which was, where do we enjoy our next Mandli meeting. No one ate after sunset as Meherbai had wisely taught them intermittent fasting, so dinners were out. Breakfasts, lunches and high teas had become common on weekdays. Their last trip to the coffee shop was a disaster and they landed up for Irani choi and khari. This time, Keki’s wife suggested burgers, saying that she was a burger-champ!

Meherbai: Burger-champion? What’s that?

Keki’s Wife: I have this burger eating competition with my dhansakia friends and always win since I can polish off six burgers in a row.

Meherwanji: Keks, I think God made your wife’s mouth keeping double-burgers in mind!

Keks: I am stuck in a burgered -marriage.

Bomi Bevdo: Burger khao aney bhuli jao!

So off went the Mandli-members to the nearest food-joint with Freny-Fituri rushing to the counter first as she wanted a strong, hot coffee for her headache. She returned all flustered.

Freny Fituri: Marerey! When I asked for a coffee, that pervert asked me my cup size – small, medium or large! Rusi Romeo: I feel like giving him one tight slap!

Meherwanji: Rustomji, rehva deo. At 85, your Chimrailu body is like a squeezed tube of tooth-paste and that guy looks like a pehelwan.

Baji Bunpao: I’ll go and give the order for 16 burgers.

Bomi Brunpao: No!! I’ll go. Baji is a bochyu and a ghotala-master!

So off went Bomi-brunpao and yelled “16 Burgers!”

Counter-guy:  To eat here or for take-away?

Bomi Brunpao: To have here – it’s our Mandli-party.

Counter-guy:  Veg. or Non-Veg?

Bomi Brunpao: Non-Veg of course! We are Parsis!!

Counter-guy: Chicken, Mutton or Paneer?

Bomi Brunpao: Chicken – Marghi of course!

Counter-Guy: Small, medium or large?

Bomi Brunpao: Extra-large.

Counter-Guy: We only have large.

Bomi Brunpao: Ok, then Large!

Counter-Guy: Plain bread, toasted or grilled?

Bomi Brunpao: Plain.

Counter-Guy:  With Mayo or without?

Bomi Brunpao: If mayo is free, with mayo.

Counter-Guy: With cheese or without cheese?

Bomi Brunpao: If cheese is free, then with cheese.

Counter-Guy: With fries or without fries?

Bomi Brunpao: With fries. Keki’s wife is a Papeta-master!

Counter-Guy: Soft drinks on the side?

Bomi Brunpao: You have hot drinks like whiskey, rum or vodka?

Counter-Guy:  Sir we sell Burgers, not daru!

Bomi Brunpao: Ok, then 16 soft drinks.

Counter-Guy: Sir, we have a special offer.

Bomi Brunpao: Not interested. Just repeat my order.

Counter-Guy: Sir, it’s 16 regular burgers, non-veg, chicken, large, plain bread and fries. Am I right?

By now Bomi was frustrated and restless like any Bawaji who is hungry. So, he thought of teaching the counter-guy a lesson…

Bomi Brunpao: Will you give a physical bill or a paperless bill on my mobile? You want payment by cash or cheque? If cash, what notes do you want? 20, 50, 100, 200 or 500? I keep them separately in my shirt pockets. Small notes in the right pocket and bigger notes in the left pockets. You want me to fold the notes and give you or not? If you want, I can pay by debit or credit card. Would you prefer – Master Card or Zoroastrian Bank Card? I think the Parsi Bank is more dependable. If you want, I can do Pay TM or Rupay also…

The Counter-guy fainted and fell on the floor, so Bomi Brunpao returned to the table saying, “Forget burgers. We’ll go elsewhere.”

Meherwanji, the most sensible of the lot retrieved the situation and ensured that the entire order of 16 burgers, plus 6 extra-large burgers arrived with 16 cold drinks.

Mrs. Keks: The burger in the advertisement looks better than what they just gave us.

Keks: Look at your photo on Facebook and then look at yourself in the mirror. It’s like that!!

Meherbai: Listen Mandli, burgers, pizzas, samosas and all other fried stuff is ok only once in a while. To stay healthy, we must eat more fruit, veggies, nuts and grains, preferably simple ghar ka khana.

The Mandli: Yes, Meherbai.

Mrs. Keks: Next time, Meherbai, you make something healthy and tasty and we’ll all come to your house to do full justice to the food.

The Mandli: Keks, in the last 2 years, your turn has never come! How about having the next lunch at your place?

Keks: Yes, yes. Why not? We’ll have a nice pot-luck. Everybody bring something and I’ll provide nice, healthy, zero-calories water.

On this note, the Mandli parted with Kisi-koti-Ta-ta-Bye-bye!