Meherbai’s Mandli reads Parsi Times every week, from cover to cover chipi-chipi-ney and hold discussions on its various topics. A couple of weeks ago, they read a rather provocative article on why some women prefer dogs to men in the famous ‘Pet Puja’ column, and this is how the discussion went…

PT Article: ‘A Study says that half of girl-dog owners prefer spending free time and week-ends with their dogs rather than their partners.’

Aloo and Jaloo (Meherbai’s obnoxious neighbours): Not true! We are in the marriage market since the last 25 years and are so desperate that we would like to spend some time with a man for marriage! Divorcee, randailo, koi-bi-chalsey! But where are the boys? All good ‘boys’ aged 55 to 65 are already hooked, booked and cooked!

PT Article: ‘A dog gives unconditional love.’

Jabri Jasmin: So does my husband! I give him hell every day, but he still wakes me up with a good-morning kiss! Khasra khato jaye aney unconditional love aapto jaye!

PT Article: ‘A dog at home makes women feel safer.’

Hasti Hilla: Arrey nahi re! Whenever anyone rings the doorbell, our loveable pooch, bailo Rocco runs and hides under the sofa. But when my hubby, Rarto Rustom answers the door, everyone runs away, just seeing his hareem-dhareem frame. His weight is 250 pounds, so I have more of him to cuddle and love!

Coomi Kajwali: Mahro bi vaagh jevo var chhey! I feel so safe with him and play all day long with his Suterfani-jevi dahri (beard).

PT Article: ‘A dog will never complain about your cooking. They will eat anything that we give them with gratitude. That includes burnt toast and runny eggs…’

Themina Trim-Tarak: God help my hubby if he ever complains about the cooking! He tried it once, saying, if you could cook, I’d sack Philomina and save money. I gave him good by retaliating, if you could be romantic, I’d sack the driver and save money.

Abhan Aban: But you don’t have a driver!

Tehmina Trim-Tarak: I know, I know, but this was just to have the last word so he can always have the second-last word like other Parsi husbands.

PT Article: ‘You can scold your doggie when you leave home; and he will yet be there to welcome you when you come back home.’

Baji Bun-Pao: Arrey bava, does PT know that hoon roj gaar khai-ne gher thi nikluj, no farewell kiss, ta-ta, bye-bye but still when my Silloo Supreme-Court returns from shopping, I receive her lovingly with open arms and empty pockets!

PT Article: ‘You can say what you want about a dog’s mother..’

Behram Brun-Pao: Rubbish! I call my mother-in-law meddlesome-maiji and Yamdoot-ni-agent.

Abhan Aban: Kaun Yumdoot? Tamaro Pao-walo?

Behram Brun-Pao:  Yamdoot, the mythological Hindu God of Death.

Aimai Eienstien: I would any day prefer a husband to a dog. When you both go for walks, it’s easy and relaxing! In case of a dog, you have to clean up the poo!

Aspi Aspro: I’d rather clean up the poo than listen to my wife’s constant firing through the walk!

PT Article: ‘When your dog’s friends come over, they include you in their games and you rarely have to clean up after they leave.’

Banu Batak: Not true! When my hubby’s friends come over, they include me in their games like Ludo, Snakes and Ladders and Card Games. They even clear the table and wash the dishes before they leave. You see, we invite only couples whose husbands are well trained like a good-pedigreed dog, like Ardeshar-Alsatian, Dara-Dashhound, Rustomji-Retriver, Piroj-Pomenarian and Bamanji-Bulldog!  

PT Article: ‘A study, carried out in New York revealed that women slept better when they shared their bed with their pooch.’

Gooli Gol-Gol: How can you share the bed with a dog? Raatey baachkoo bharyu toh? I’d anyday share the bed with my Jimmy Jambox, my husband of 50 years. He doesn’t say a word even when sometimes he falls off the bed, hoon kor varu tyarey. Just that he snores like a ghat-nu-engine, as if there is a factory inside his nose!

Abhan Aban: Block his nose with a kapra sukavvani clip!

Guli Gol Gol: Marerey! If he doesn’t breathe, he’ll die, you stupid woman!

Khadhri Ketayun: Meherbai, what’s the menu today? What are you feeding us???

Meherbai: DOG-BISCUITS!