Jamasji had grown up on a staple diet of Bond films and had read every Bond novel, from cover to cover and even between the covers! His wife, Soona, didn’t ever bother paying too much attention to his ‘lavaro-bakaro’ about James Bond. Because of this, Jamasji made it a habit of doling out his precious Bond-Gyan (knowledge) to his friends at the gym. He would try his darned best to impress them with his various nuggets of Bond-info…

“James Bond was the biggest screen character ever!! The same way as Tarzan was, in the classic era of Hollywood. The difference in their personalities says a lot about the differences between the 1930’s and 1960’s. But basically, the note to note is that both were superheroes with phenomenal strength, amazing intelligence and unparalleled powers!” he would say with as much passion in his voice as the gleam in his eyes. “Do you know that all James Bond novels, written in the 1950’s by Ian Fleming, went on to become bestsellers and whoever played Bond on screen became a famous superstar, all thanks to Albert R. Broccoli and Harry Saltzman, who owned the rights of these films,” he would add.

Everyone at the gym would clap, some amused and some amazed, with dear Jamasji’s devotion and indepth awareness of Bond films. Feeling a little shadowed out by Jamasji’s growing popularity, Kaizad-khadhro, who also wished to share in the popularity-pie, suddenly jumped up saying, “l love eating broccoli!”. It was not lost to everyone there that Jamasji’s entire speech Kaizad na maatha per thi chali gai!

The gym cronies, in their fervour, re-christianed Jamasji as James Bond. In fact, Pradipbhai, the Gujju fan of James Bond added his own two bits, with, “Even l have gyan on ‘Gems’ Bond. But l don’t like Daniel Craig because he looks like a chimraila-mohna-no-Parsi (shrivelled up Parsi). l toh only like olo original Gems-Bond…olo chhe ne – Sincory!”

“Who? Who??” everyone asked. “Who Pradeep Bhai??”

“Arre aapdo good old Sincory from Gems Bond ni phillum – ‘Dr. Yes’. In this phillum ne, Ursula Andress emerges from the sea undressed!”

Jamasji quickly jumped in to save the conversarion, with “He means Sean Connery!! And the film he is talking about is ‘Dr. No’, not ‘Dr. Yes!’!!”

“Aaaaahhh!” said the other gym-goers.

Romantic Rusi: l like all the Bond heroines. l want to marry a Bond-babe type of girl!

Pradeep Bhai: Arrey, those are kaatil-women. All are trained murderesses sent especially to kill aapdo Bondbhai!! You also want to get killed or what?

Romantic Rusi: But none of the kaatil-baira actually end up killing Bond! Bolo, bolo!! Instead, they all would end up falling in love with Sean Connery, Roger Moore and George Lazenby.

Piroj Pehelwan (all of 50 kilos): Do you guys know l’ve seen nearly each and every Bond movie! Like, ‘From Russia With Love’ and ‘Goldfinger’ and ‘Thunderball’ and ‘You Only Live Twice’ and ‘Diamonds Are Forever’ and ‘Live And Let Die’ and ‘The Spy Who Loved Me’ and ‘The Man With The Golden Gun’ and…

Pradeep Bhai (Jumping up and interrupting Piroj Pehelwan’s flow): l am the man with the golden Gun ne!! Kharrekhar! Aa juvo!!

So saying, he whipped out his cigarette-lighter which was shaped like a tiny golden gun!

Faramji Fekoo: Arre! That way toh I also have a golden gun – toti-forvani at Diwali time. I have been using it in celebration of Diwali and scaring away all the cats in the Baug!

The gym-boys (all over 65) then went over to the bar after a very questionable gym session saying, “Thaaki gaya yar! We are all bone-tired, ekdum exhausted!”

At the bar, Jamasji told the Bartender in true James Bond style, in a heavy accent, “Can you please get me a Martini – shaken, not stirred!”

But the poor bartender, confused with the accent, thought that Jamasji wanted to speak with the head-waiter – Martin, so he shook Martin, made him go round and round (stirred) and the brought him to the bar and presented him to Jamasji

Meanwhile Pallonji-pipyu, inspired by Jamasji, went over to the guy at the bar, demanding a “Johny Walker, single!”

A lady at the bar swerved around and told Pallonji, shaking his hand, “Savitri Deshpande, married!”

Now, this Savitri looked a bit like the Bond Babes, so the gym-boys started making small talk with her.

Meanwhile, the luchcho waiter Martin, clicked their photographs fawning over her and blackmailed them, asking for Rs. 5,000/- or he’d make the photos public, online!!

The gym-boys, all married, and scared of their ‘bitter-halves’, paid up the money and zoomed out of the bar. Jamasji’s wife was waiting for him with a jhadu in hand because he was supposed to pick up his obnoxious mother-in-law Dinamai-Daakan from the airport and he had totally forgot about this and had gone to the gym instead!

What happened later will be another story, for another Saturday!