After almost a couple of college years of nurturing a crush, I decided to propose to my Rattie, on the then Valantine’s Day…. 48 years ago. I had started working and was earning a modest salary and this empowered me to propose. My dilemma was finding a place ‘far from the madding crowd’. Romeo, of the Montague family, must have faced a similar dilemma trying to meet Juliet of the feuding Capulet family!

The famous ‘Balcony scene’ in Romeo and Juliet gave me an idea… I decided to book the balcony seats in a theatre running a movie that had bombed at the box-office. It was one of those dark, black and white Russian, Dostoevsky type movies, just right for my ‘Mission Matrimony’. After the interval, when the movie started, yours sincerely went down on the knees (very uncomfortably, indeed!), and I proposed. Ruttie giggled and whispered, “Dalu Dear! You’ll have to ask my mumma and pappaji. Come over tomorrow at tea time.

There I was, at 4:00 pm sharp, in my Sunday best, with a bunch of red roses. a box of chocolates and a bottle of Scotch. The roses went down well with potential mum-in-law, and the Scottish nectar was received with grateful pappa-in-law’s eyes. Tea done, sandwiches polished off and the Father-in-law called the meeting to order, saying, “Ahem! Young man, I believe you have something to say. Pun jara tukku karjay. There’s a bottle waiting to break open.” I got up, cleared my throat and spoke nervously, “It is the second Valentine’s Day since I have had deep sentimental feelings about your dear Rattie and I would like to ask for her hand in marriage. Er… Umm…” I was stuck. Didn’t know what more to say.

Pappaji came to the rescue. Gruffly, he started, “Jow dikra, only a hand in marriage is a strict no-no. Take her all or not at all!” This old koila Bawaiji joke came as a happy respite. Before the old battle-axe mummy could squeeze in even a single syllable word, pappaji gleefully said, “Welcome to the clan, son! Let us meet your parents soon!”

A year went by busy, shopping, sending invitations, pre-nuptial ceremonies, and the final day when we said, Pasand-e-kardim! It was an affair remember – my brother-in-law, Jamsu got drunk on a variety of booze, sat on my Pagri and crushed it beyond repair! This was my encounter of the first kind with this devil’s walking parody, as I would learn, in the course of passing years.

Year after year, Valentine’s Day went by, initially acceding with a, “Yes, dear!” or ‘Of course, dear!” to whatever my Rattie demanded, but then her demands grew increasingly weirder. It started with suggestion that we dance to Tango Parsi wedding regalia with other like-minded friends around the Flora Fountain. Somehow, I got out of this spine chiller. How I got out of the dreadful idea I don’t remember, but it must have dented my savings account for sure.

The next one was spine chiller too. Rattiemai wanted to have dinner at the Taj! You will say that’s an innocent wish. But wait! You see, the better (?) half wanted me to go down on my knees and repeat the long winding wedding proposal à la Pride and Prejudice. That too in front of the crème de la crème there. This was met with a firm Nolle Prosequi by the party of the second part, but then the party of the… damn this legalese is confusing! In short, l had to make reparation.

She got from me her pound of flesh by way of big, beautiful bauble in a ring. Phew! Years after such demands went after. Atop the Eifel Tower declaring l’amour… in a gondola in Venice, singing an Italian aria… From the simple romance of giving a red rose, this day has given way to terror, sometimes even blatant extortion, but when it’s done by the likes of my Rattie, one begrudges, grumbles and gives in… in some form of a bribe.

The love received through the years gone by, and in the years to come, makes it all worth it and then some, even if it means extended visits by mother-in-law or being touched regularly by a brother-in-law like Jamsu for a couple of grands ever so often. My Rattie – she is worth it. She has dropped a bomb this year. I am used to such ‘dharakas’ but somehow I shall overcome it!

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY to my Rattie, my daughter, my granddaughter and all the girls in my life. As Maurice Chevalier sang in the movie, ‘Gigi’: Thank Heavens For The Little Girls- I love ’em All’!