Frenymai And The Fake Godman – II

The Story till now (in brief)… Frenymai, an adventurous 80-year-young lady liked trying out anything and everything she read in newspapers, Facebook or Instagram. She had tried her hand at Yoga, Reiki, Pranic Healing, Mudras, Swimming, Skating, Golf, Dancing – in short, everything except stepping into the kitchen to cook a decent meal for her husband – Falibawa. These days, Frenymai had started fervently believing in a fake Godman who gave her a coconut, a limboo and some chillies as prasad. She hid them from Falibawa under a pile of old Parsi Times newspapers. Fali saw them by chance and instructed the cook to use them for cooking coconut curry-rice!

And now…

Frenymai discovered the very next day that Baba’s prasad was missing! She screamed, “Oh God! Now I’ll have bad luck!” Her hubby pacified her with a cup of tea and told her to relax in the bedroom while he looked for the prasad.

He phoned his bhajiwala in Colaba bazar to deliver a coconut, a lime and some green chillies. He made a swastik-symbol on the coconut and applied some red kum-kum (kankoo) and called out to his wife, who was still palpitating.

Falibawa: Look!! Your prasad is right here, where you hid it, so stop being hysterical. Kerey poryu aney gaam ma sodhey! Silly woman, now say sorry for doubting that I threw it away!

Frenymai: Sorry darling!!  Arrey! What’s this? This is not Babaji’s coconut which had just a dot of kanku on it! This coconut has a Swastik!!

Falibawa: A miracle! Chamatkar!!

Frenymai: It’s a sign from the Universe. The dot became a Swastik overnight! Must tell everyone about it!!

Falibawa: Don’t tell a soul. Keep it a secret!

But, baira na pet ma koi bi secret reh?? So the news spread throughout the Parsi Colony (faster than the speed of light) that Frenymai has a Chamatkari-Nariyal which can grant all your wishes. Colony-vasis came like bees to honey for a darshan of the wish-fulfilling nariyal.

Mrs. Daji came and wished that Mr. Daji would be less ‘bheja no paji’; The Bhathena couplealso known as ‘Saat Maathena’ came and wished for a nice boy for their one and only, katchi-kumari 45-year-old dikree; Pilamai also came and prayed tandarosti for her popat who was sick; Hen-pecked Homiar wished that his wife Aloo-Anaconda wouldn’t be so dominating and possessive; young mother, Katy Kathawala came to wish that her small kids wouldn’t waste the kaathas when they ate bread.

Falibawa was going crazy with all sorts of morons coming into his kitchen and worshipping the coconut. There was no privacy for him in his own house – he could no more be faregaat on sadra-legha and had to wear shirt and pant at all times.

Soon, even cosmopolitan people started coming. Brian Briganza came to wish for plenty of money so he could visit ‘Aunty’s Bar’ daily instead of weekly; Muthuswami wished that he could open a Dosa House in London instead of selling Pasta-on-Rasta as he was doing at present; Frenymai’s fruitwali Kusumtai wished that her daughter would get a son after delivering four girls; even politicians started visiting with wishes to win the 2024 elections!!!

Falibawa: Bus! Enough is enough!! Ataa Maazi Satakli!!!

So saying, he took the nariyal one night and sneaked out to throw it into the sea at Marine Drive. But there was only construction and no sea. As he was walking, Pandu Havaldar, the friendly neighbourhood policeman caught him by his collar.

Pandu: Pakadla! Pakadla! I caught the Dhongi Baba red-handed with the nariyal in his hand. You rascal!  Making money by making gullible Parsi women ulloo?

Falibawa: I am the good guy who came to throw this nariyal in the sea.

Pandu: Tujha var destruction of evidence thokel! (I will charge you with destruction of evidence!)

Poor Falibawa was taken to the lock-up from where he phoned Frenymai who came to rescue him in the middle of the night.

Frenymai: Arrey Bhau, hee Baba nahi – hee tar Bawa ahey – Parsi Bawaji – maaza naura, since 53 years!

Pandu had great respect for Parsis and greater sympathy for Parsi husbands, so he asked Falibawa to explain everything. Fali told the entire story and Pandu couldn’t stop sobbing at the pitiable fate of Bawa husbands. Falibawa told Pandu: Bhau, ti mala ekdum henpecked kartey. Ekti, ekti morning walk la jatey. Ekti ekti PVM Gymkhana cha dancing class jatey, aani mala gharaat lock karun saglala boltey, “Evan Ketthey Gher Ni Baahr Javaa Mangtaj Nathi”. Mee fasun gelo, hi gheli chi saath!

Pandu Havaldar: Look here, Frenybai, from now on, you better not lock your hubby at home or better still, take him also for morning walks, dance classes etc. Mahtara la saath gheoon ja! Now go and throw this coconut into the sea and stop visiting Dhongi Babas, fake fakirs and other self-appointed gurujis and Godmen!

So Frenymai and Falibawa threw the damn coconut in the sea.

Falibawa: Our great religion has everything. There’s no lack in our religion that you need to go anywhere else. Most of these Godmen are crooks, rascals and rapists, many of them with criminal records. From tomorrow, we shall go to the Agyari and pray so Ahura Mazda can fulfil our wishes within our karmic limitations. Remember Freny darling, to always pray for others because in Spirituality, what you wish for others, you are wishing for yourself. So, wish all the happiness in the world for everybody and we shall be happy too! And they lived happily ever after!

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